This week’s blog post is dedicated to one of my oldest and closest friends, who is about to embark on the experience of a lifetime so most of this will be directed to her but, hey you other people might get something from it! Bon voyage, Helen!
The months that lead up to my move to Barcelona were nothing particularly unusual or anxiety inducing. I had been accepted for my TEFL course way back in the February and wasn’t actually leaving until the end of September, it was all so far away. Four weeks before I was set to leave with flights booked, course paid for and accommodation sorted I still wasn’t quite feeling it, it didn’t really feel like I was leaving to start a new life in a new place where I knew nobody but that’s what was about to happen. It wasn’t until the few days before my flight that nerves set in, mostly just my fear of flying to be honest because really, deep down I was just excited.
In the time that lead up to me leaving I had so many people call me brave for doing such a thing and ask me if I was scared and I thought it was odd at first that I kept getting asked these things because I wanted to do this. That is why I applied for it in the first place and planned it all meticulously for months before I even applied for my course. This is what is important to remember about times like this, times where you are about to throw yourself into the unknown and feel that twinge of nervousness. You have to remind yourself that no one is forcing you to do this, you chose to do this and in a year from now you’re going to get to say to people who you have travelled to all these amazing places, met some incredible people and maybe best of all, you got paid for it at the same time. Doing something like moving to another country, travelling or (as you’re going to do, Hel) working on a cruise ship is going to be one of those things that you look back and realise how it helped shape you and make you grow. Isn’t that insane? Isn’t that beyond exciting to know what lies ahead of you is not only going to give you some unforgettable memories but serve as a way to better yourself even more?
Personally, I know that I felt like I had already come so far before my own little adventure; I wasn’t sure how much further I really had to go from there but experiences like this will propel you towards who you are meant to be, that best version of you, in ways you cannot fathom yet. You are going to have a wonderful time, I can guarantee you that and I can also guarantee that home will still be waiting for you when you return and we will all be loving and missing you from it.
How do you mourn a place or a moment that has all too quickly passed you by? How can you express the loss of a piece of yourself that no one saw?
You hold on to that feeling of home; occasionally neglected but never left long enough to wither. You tell yourself that you lived, really lived in that time. You replay the best and sometimes the worst comes crashing through that picture. You still miss it and long for it, knowing that merely the memory is not satisfying enough. To live it all again, to be so wild knowing the security that would wait for you at the end would be an all too perfect retreat from now.
When will you find that new place that fits so neatly into the blankness that has spread into the corners of your life? Wait – it will come.
You can go home again,
to the place that houses your youth.
But don’t forget
the memories you made.
Continue reading The pores of four walls
The ticking hands of time and
Many miles more than before is what lies between us now.
But still, I find myself in this place
That’s so similar to what I once called ours.
So I sit on a bench in the same way I did before
And let my hand creep into the empty space that was yours.
The earth smells different to how I remember it but what I remember most is you.
Your hand chained to mine, like I was your anchor.
I had to stay on the ground while your eyes drifted away to the solitude in your mind.
I always felt like they should shine brighter, your eyes
But they were suffocated under the shadow of your sadness.
I found comfort in the smell of the tree-tinged air
The feel of the earth in my palm waiting for me to create something with it.
It wasn’t me who kept everything down
And I was never meant to be an anchor.
I know I teased you all with a big announcement last week and then I was unable to tell you but now I can! About a month ago I saw a call for submissions for a new literary magazine, called Salomé, for emerging female writers. Serendipitously, I had a piece of short fiction that I worked on whilst at university and had recently revisited to fine tune it. Being quite proud of this small piece of work, I sent it in for consideration because there was the promise of receiving feedback regardless of whether you were selected or not and I wanted to know if my writing was going in a good direction.
Continue reading I can finally tell you all…
Okay, I got some really exciting news on Monday night and I am dying to tell everyone but alas, I cannot spill the beans just yet. All I will say right now is that I have been working very hard over the past month to not just keep up with posting on this blog twice a week and adding more words to my novel but also working on new pieces of fiction as well as articles to submit to magazines and websites. The hard work seems to have paid off a little and I am feeling even more driven to keep creating new content, so to celebrate this until I can actually tell you all what will be happening in the next month, I’m giving you a little snippet of new novel-writing to read. I hope you like it and can wait a little longer to hear about all the exciting stuff! Continue reading My Big Announcement… it’s coming, I promise
I had a completely different post planned for today but yesterday, whilst I was trying focus on my novel and working on finishing chapter 3 I found myself feeling disconnected from what I was working on. I figured it was a little useless to try to force myself to continue as it would only lead to heavy editing later on so I opened up a new word document and decided to write something that better expressed how I felt in that moment. The past few months have been strange for me, despite living here for just over 6 months now it feels somewhat closer to a year. Without getting into too many details about my personal life, a lot has happened that threw me into a bit of inner turmoil and now I am reaching the point where I am okay with processing my feelings because it always takes me a long, long, long time to feel things truly.
Continue reading Why I don’t write more poetry